Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Sad News

I went in for my appointment on Thursday and they baby no longer has a heartbeat and isn’t growing. Unfortunately, it is a miscarriage. It was very sad and I took the rest of the day off. I was obviously very upset and just needed some time to grieve.

We left Friday morning for the River with the family for Easter. Some may see this as a weird move right after I found out, but I am of the type that I would rather be around other people(especially people who have no idea) than by myself to mope. We had a really good weekend and I only broke down a handful of times…of course when I get by myself. But with the whole relaxing weekend, I had a lot to think about. And my thought process, I feel, has been the best coping mechanism. I want to share my thoughts so that others can be prepared in case it happens to you.

First off, here are some basic facts to bust this taboo topic out in the open. Anywhere from 15%-20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Bet you didn’t know that? Most of the time, these are early on in the pregnancy. They are chromosomal abnormalities that don’t allow the baby to develop beyond a certain point. So the miscarriage is your body’s way of getting rid of the undeveloped child. It sounds kinda cold, I know…and some women can’t handle that reality…but to me it all makes perfect sense. And with it being an abnormality, there is nothing you could have or can do to prevent it. That is just the way it is. So this is where I am. I can A) beat myself up over something I can’t control or B) move on and think about the future. I am going with option B and I feel that has helped me very quickly. I knew, even before this happened, the statistics and realities of miscarriage so I wasn’t struck with this since of guilt or panic when I was told. Of course I was sad, but I always knew in the back of my head, it could be true. I also want to be an example to you ladies down the road if this happens to you…take your time to grieve and everyone is different…but realize it isn’t your fault….you can still have a perfectly healthy baby next time. So begin positive is my motto. No need to sulk about and pity myself. This is the ultimate falling off the horse…and I am getting right back on.

Now the hard part, to me, is that I have to decide to wait to naturally have the miscarriage or have a D&C. For some information, just see here. I think I have decided to wait until Thursday, and if nothing is happening naturally, to inquire about the surgery. We were told that once the miscarriage is over, we can try again after my next cycle. Also it seems that women become more fertile after and usually get pregnant again very soon. So fingers crossed! I am a little scared of surgery since I have never had anything other than oral surgery done. I have done a lot of reading about the procedure and reading some boards where women talk about their experience. A lot of women said it was a quicker way of letting go and some felt a natural miscarriage was a lot more emotional as well as physically painful. Also, there is no idea of how long it would take. Right now I still feel exactly the same. I am tired, my boobs hurt, I am hungry, etc. I am ready for it to just all be over and I can move on.

So I will still update if I have the surgery or not and then I will probably take a break from the blog. Thanks for reading.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Week 7

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Nothing much to note really. For a short recap, I am officially a D cup...pretty fun if they didn't still hurt. I am super constipated (I warned you that this isn't going to be a pretty journey). This morning I had a horrible experience of pain and sweating...but everything is going ok now. I immediately went to the store and bought more things that said "Double Fiber" and I am pretty sure I am going to try and put fiber sure in everything I eat from now on...it will be the "new" powdered-sugar.

On another front, Deenie sent me a book on Friday. The Belly Laughs book by Jenny McCarthy. I finished it in less than 24 hours. It was great. I highly recommend it. It isn't the normal prego book. It is just her funny journey through pregnancy. I even recommend it to you ladies that aren't pregnant...it is a good read and semi-educational. She will talk about far more gross stuff than I will post on here. From pooping on the delivery table to crazy dreams. But I will be happy to tell you about it :).

And I think my hormones are in overdrive. I am breaking out like crazy. Also we went and saw Juno today and I cried! I NEVER cry at movies. But then again, I guess it was the subject matter. Very good movie...also highly recommend.

Well we have another appointment to see pumpkin on Thursday so i should be able to report something new then.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Pumpkin's First Photo Shoot

And here's Pumpkin! We saw the little heart beat today :). Looks like we are measuring at 6 weeks and 1 day today. That means we are to a October 29th due date. So the Dr. sees that as behind based on the usually markers so we are going back in 2 weeks. Personally I am fine with that...the more I can see Pumpkin...the happier I will be. I had just heard about these fetal dopplers you can rent to hear the heart beat at home to reassure that everything is ok...but if I can just go to the doctor a few more times...that will be good as well.

I also learned that the prenatal vitamins with fish oil are disgusting. I had been taking these for a week when I finally smelled one...and then proceeded to burp a fishy taste for several hours....it was awful. So I switched to a plant based omega 3 source and it seems much better.

On Friday, Joelle unknowingly told me about these pregtastic podcasts. They are great. They are about all kinds of topics. It is a group of girls that come together to talk and interview doctors, authors, business owners about pregnancy. I have been listening to them while I script at work and it makes the time pass quickly. I highly recommend!

I told my boss today. I know they say to wait until 12 weeks but I felt weird taking off for so many Dr. appointments. I never have them and I figured she would worry. She hadn't noticed and she was very excited....even more so that I was due in the fall :). I think she is a little excited to know before Amy(Kevin's cousin and her best friend).

And lastly, an update on how I am feeling. I still don't feel sick(minus the fish pill episode). I still have really sore boobs. I pretty much have some kind of bra on at all times. I can start to feel some ligaments in my abdomen stretching when I stand up and walk briskly. I get a little tired right after lunch...especially when I don't work out. In the evenings, all I want to do is lay down and watch TV. I got a plantar wart on my right root over the weekend. I don't know if it hasn't anything to do with this stuff. But I asked my doctor about medicines and he SWEARS that duct tape works. His wife is a pediatrician and her kids do it and it works. Who knew?

Welp Mommy is coming into town for my birthday this weekend...going to finish cleaning!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

My goodness that was hard...

So I think I can officially make it to 12 weeks to tell people. Last night we went to dinner with another couple we know. She is 23 weeks prego and we haven't seen them since she got pregnant. I listened to the EXACT same things Kevin saying coming out of Joey's mouth and vice versa with Joelle and me. I was about to bust. If they aren't suspicious, I would be surprised. It was fun to listen to her though. Made me so excited and Kevin said he can't wait for my pregnant bump :).

On another note, when we were at the doctor, he told me that most pregnancy books out there are more for you to worry about...and I had already figured this out. They are written by some neurotic people who worry about EVERYTHING. No one needs that. He recommended one book: The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. So I picked it up from Barnes and Noble Thursday. It is GREAT. It is a woman with 4 kids and all the tales from her pregnancy and her friends'. It is very funny and matter of fact. It talks about all the stuff you are thinking and experiencing but not in a text book kinda way. She talks to you like she has known you for years. Here is an example:
"One of the most common changes in the pregnant woman's body is in her breasts. The newly pregnant woman often gets the same puffy breasts that she gets premenstrually, but the consensus among the Girlfriends is that these breasts are a lot more sensitive. In fact, taking a shower can be agonizing if you face the stream of water, sleeping on your stomach becomes unbearable and if your husband should happen to touch your breasts you will feel completely justified in hitting him with the bedside lamp. Not only are they sensitive and sore, but they are getting bigger and bigger every day. The good news, especially for those of us who have always secretly longed to be big busty gals, is that they will continue to grow, and they will stop hurting eventually. In a month or so, you and your husband will have a nice new set of playthings."

And on that note...I need to shop for a new sports bra...