Thursday, December 31, 2009

Someone want to nominate me for What Not to Wear?

Ugh. I now know how those poor people feel. I have no idea how to dress myself. It is pitiful. I went shopping at Kohls the day after Christmas to at least not spend a ton on new stuff. I got some jeans...thank god for spandex. I have already gone through 2 sizes at Old Navy but not small enough for the next size down. Now shirts are my enemy. I have to get them big enough for my boobs without looking like frump girl. Super tight? Nope...too much baby fat. Empire waist to hide belly? Nope...giant boobs emphasized. So basically my wardrobe consists of plain colored t-shirts in a stretchy cotton material. It is so boring. O and forget sweaters...anytime I have to nurse I turn into the fucking sun. So no cute sweater dress for me.

Then on top of it all...I hate having to go shopping at all. I hate spending money on clothes that *hopefully* will someday be too big.

Ok done complaining for now.

Bright note, I found some normal bras in my size that are "convertible" so I can just snap the straps loose to nurse/pump. HOORAY! No more super expensive nursing bras!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Sick sick sick

Ugh. I swear we can never get this child well enough for a week and the pediatrician is making a killing on us. We had 2 nights of sleeping 7 to 4 and then BAM cough from hell. We think he hit the peak today because he spent the day pretty freakin fussy. Not many smiles today. He even cried when he ate. So sad. We have set up his room so we can most likely let him sleep on us most of the night. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

On a brighter note, this was like night 10 of the addition of bathtime to our night routine. Now he finally got it. He was splashing and smiling up a storm. It was nice to see he had a little fun today.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Routine update

Just a few updates about the new routine. 2 "true" nights under our belt(Xmas eve was an oddity because we went out and kept him up). Both of the other nights, he went down nice and easy. No crying...just laid him down and he went to sleep on his own. He slept both nights until around 1-1:30. We let him cry until he was starting to come unhinged and went in and shushed him and he went right back to sleep. he then slept until 3:30-4. At this point I fed him. He then slept until 6 one day and 7 the next. So not too shabby. We started the routine a little later tonight but it seemed to go fine. I even got smiles and laughs in the bath AND putting on jammies. We read a book and I was sure he was wired but I turned off the light and rocked him for a minute and that little head went to my shoulder. This is my sign that he was tired and ready for sleep. I put him down and he talked to himself for awhile but then went to sleep.

O and he has been waking up happy in the morning. We hear him just talkin away to himself in there. He also is taking short naps (1 hour or less) during the day but he wakes up happy once again talking to the crib or the mobile. So that must mean something in his world. I do miss the 2 hour naps though. He is getting about 3 naps a day now. I think part of the problem is at daycare he gets big bottles that can hold him over...with being just on me, he needs to eat more often. O well.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Almost forgot

So we haven't had the best nights but we did get one bone thrown our way. Over the weekend, LT decided he knew how to use a paci! It has been so weird. He doesn't cry for it or freak out when it falls out but it just makes him so much calmer in all aspects. We even took him to dinner tonight past his bedtime and he just sucked away and then people watched. It makes bathtime easier and it is a lot less drooly than the thumb and fist sucking. It also doesn't seem to matter about the latex vs silicone thing. It is also fun to watch him napping with it and it just randomly moving. Pretty cute :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Well some people have emailed me from my post last week so I thought I would update everyone. Thursday night I took the fabulous Ambien and Kevin took the night duty. It was the best sleep EVER. I remember stirring a few times when Kevin got up but I was right back out. He got me up at 5 to feed him and we all went right back to sleep. I then did a good bit of napping over the weekend since LT's nights really haven't gotten much better. I also think the good night of sleep backfired because now it seems I can't function as well on such low amounts of sleep. My body is pissed off and punishing me.

Anyway, to help out with a little stress, Jack is spending the week with Grandmama, Grandad and Scout girl. He is getting plenty of TLC and grub to fill him up. I plan to call the vet tomorrow to see if his tests have come back that we had sent off. I am sure he is having a blast staying outside and chasing squirrels all day with Scout.

I decided to leave him a bottle for lunch yesterday and I went out to lunch with Anissa. It was a nice lunch and helped me destress. I hope to do more lunches/workouts in the new year. I may go over to see him but I am going to stop trying to always feed him. Especially with the formula, I can just pump more often at work and have some me time. On nice days I can go over and visit and then run in the neighborhood next to it hopefully.

Today Kevin and I went to talk to the peditrician about sleep training to see what we need to do or if it truly is a phase and we just need to ride it out. I am so glad we matter if it works right away or not. It was nice to just lay out what was going on and she could give us advice based on all the cases she has seen. She thinks it may be a little separation anxiety on his part. He is a little young but that is her theory. Most people seem to have the problem with putting their kids down at night...but that has never been our problem...he just wakes randomly. She recommended switching up our bedtime routine so that I am not feeding him before I put him down. So tonight we started the new routine:
1. Nurse
2. Bottle of formula
3. Bath
4. Dry and snuggle
5. PJs & paci
6. Book & snuggle
7. Down with his paci and no patting shushing or anything

He seemed to go down...I don't know when because I would go up and listen and hear him sighing or squirming but never fussing. So we shall see. It is just nice to have a plan. I will post tomorrow to note the outcome.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Merry Christmas and Happy 4 Months!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Therapy writing

First I am writing this to help me. If it makes no sense to you...sorry.

Well lets start with the events leading to this. Ever since Thanksgiving, Landon's nights have been anything but fun. He wakes up randomly and has gone from being able to fall back asleep with a few pats to now going to a frenzy immediately and can't be soothed without being picked up and rocked. Part of this is because when he wakes up, he sticks his butt in the air and falls over to his back...and FREAKS OUT. This happens over and is mind numbing. Part of this falls back to us just letting him sleep on his tummy. He never learned to fall asleep on his back without the swaddle. We talked about a little bit of this with the Dr. on Monday but his advice was general to say the least. He said to let him cry until he gets out of control, and then settle him. Yeah except the fact that he starts off out of control. Then there you are standing over him trying to soothe him and he just screams...hard. What to do? So last night we thought we would try true tough love. When he woke up at 11:30, Kevin tried soothing him...which was EXTREMELY hard this time. He put him on his back and we left the room. He screamed...and screamed...and at some point we both kinda drifted off but I awoke to realize he had been doing it for over 2 hours. My heart sank. Then the tidal wave of depresssion, anxiety, disappointment, and doubt came rushing in to console me. I went in and flipped him over and he was out like a light. But I couldn't go to sleep. I lay there shaking with anxiety. Was he going to be so tired that he didn't wake up? What had I done to my poor baby? I have never felt so ashamed at myself ever. And of course when I let in the 1 doubt and trouble, they all join the party. I lay there trying to focus on the dumb stuff on TV...try to think of ANYTHING positive but I couldn't. The tunnel got longer and I couldn't see the light at the end. I know everything is "phase" with babies but I don't know how to make it out of this one. And what horrible timing with the stress of the holidays. So to help me cope, here is a list of my worries...maybe this will help:

1. LT can't put himself to sleep once he wakes to I teach him without going insane?
2. Am I horrible parent for letting him sleep on his tummy with all the SIDS talk?
3. The dog is losing weight like a mad man and we don't know why.
4. The dog hasn't had a walk in weeks and I feel horrible about it(but it is the weather and getting dark early really).
5. I just started a "new job" and I can't even make it a week without having to go get him or having a breakdown where I need to stay home.
6. Pumping sucks and I fight every day to have enough. And stress is only making this worse.
7. I have a stack of Christmas cards but can't find time to send them.
8. I eat like shit.
9. I can't work out ...I never have time...
10. The thought of Christmas and being home all day is starting to scare me.

That feels a little better. I went to healthcare again toady to see about some medication. It is difficult because of nursing...and I don't want to give that up. If anything, it keeps me sane. I love it and it helps me relax. Seeing him smile with his mouth full is one of the best things EVER. So basically it was going on some heavy antidepressants all the time, or just help me sleep. I have chosen the sleep for now. The Dr. sent me home with some Ambien. Hopefully it can just help me relax and sleep. Kevin is on duty tonight.

On the LT side, since this extreme panic, my supply dropped off completely today. I pumped twice and got 2 oz total. So tonight I used that mixed with formula to put him down. He fell asleep and only took about an oz. But he didn't act like he hated it. He was just sleepy. So this is the start of supplementing...hopefully just being a little fuller will help him.

This is a bumpy road...but I think I can make it through.

UPDATE: LT put himself to sleep at daycare and slept for 2.5 hours :) YAY Landon!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Happy 4 Months Lando!

Yesterday was Landon's 4 month check up. He is doing just fine. 13 lbs 4.5oz(20%), 25 in long(50%) and 16.5(45%) sized melon. Which seems odd seeing as all his pants seem to fit his belly but be too long. Also those little hats that come with outfits don't fit. O well. He got 2 shots and an oral vaccine. He cried right when it happened but then was fine...though he did give the nurse the evil eye :).

The shots worked their magic and homeboy slept like a champ. He went down at 6, stirred around 8:30 but went down with some patting. He stirred around 12:30 but put himself back to sleep and didn't wake until 5! He ate and then went back to sleep until we got him up at 7. WHOOP WHOOP! And since we had so many rough nights before, we went to bed at 8:30p, CHA CHING. He then took a big ole 3 hour nap today at school.

The shots then backfired today when they called me at 3:45 to tell me he spiked a fever. DRATS Now I have to stay out with him tomorrow. We almost made it the whole day! He seems fine though...just a little warm.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Photoshoppin Great Grandmother!

We visited Grandmother and Grandaddy today and the lighting in the house was very low and on top of that, it was a yellow room. So my pictures came out like:

So I had to work some PS magic...what do you think?

Monday, December 7, 2009

Photoshop AGAIN!

OK this is Landon's cousin Alexis. She has wonderful eyes.

The growth spurt!

So we came back from Thanksgiving....and within 2 days, the beast wanted 7oz bottles. That is up from 5 oz. HOLY TOLEDO! He has now come back down from the buffet but still eating 6oz bottles. Now my pumping can't keep up again! ARG! Back to the supplements.