Sad News

I went in for my appointment on Thursday and they baby no longer has a heartbeat and isn’t growing. Unfortunately, it is a miscarriage. It was very sad and I took the rest of the day off. I was obviously very upset and just needed some time to grieve.


We left Friday morning for the River with the family for Easter. Some may see this as a weird move right after I found out, but I am of the type that I would rather be around other people(especially people who have no idea) than by myself to mope. We had a really good weekend and I only broke down a handful of times…of course when I get by myself. But with the whole relaxing weekend, I had a lot to think about. And my thought process, I feel, has been the best coping mechanism. I want to share my thoughts so that others can be prepared in case it happens to you.


First off, here are some basic facts to bust this taboo topic out in the open. Anywhere from 15%-20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Bet you didn’t know that? Most of the time, these are early on in the pregnancy. They are chromosomal abnormalities that don’t allow the baby to develop beyond a certain point. So the miscarriage is your body’s way of getting rid of the undeveloped child. It sounds kinda cold, I know…and some women can’t handle that reality…but to me it all makes perfect sense. And with it being an abnormality, there is nothing you could have or can do to prevent it. That is just the way it is. So this is where I am. I can A) beat myself up over something I can’t control or B) move on and think about the future. I am going with option B and I feel that has helped me very quickly. I knew, even before this happened, the statistics and realities of miscarriage so I wasn’t struck with this since of guilt or panic when I was told. Of course I was sad, but I always knew in the back of my head, it could be true. I also want to be an example to you ladies down the road if this happens to you…take your time to grieve and everyone is different…but realize it isn’t your fault….you can still have a perfectly healthy baby next time. So begin positive is my motto. No need to sulk about and pity myself. This is the ultimate falling off the horse…and I am getting right back on.


Now the hard part, to me, is that I have to decide to wait to naturally have the miscarriage or have a D&C. For some information, just see here. I think I have decided to wait until Thursday, and if nothing is happening naturally, to inquire about the surgery. We were told that once the miscarriage is over, we can try again after my next cycle. Also it seems that women become more fertile after and usually get pregnant again very soon. So fingers crossed! I am a little scared of surgery since I have never had anything other than oral surgery done. I have done a lot of reading about the procedure and reading some boards where women talk about their experience. A lot of women said it was a quicker way of letting go and some felt a natural miscarriage was a lot more emotional as well as physically painful. Also, there is no idea of how long it would take. Right now I still feel exactly the same. I am tired, my boobs hurt, I am hungry, etc. I am ready for it to just all be over and I can move on.


So I will still update if I have the surgery or not and then I will probably take a break from the blog. Thanks for reading.

Pumpkin's First Photo Shoot

And here's Pumpkin! We saw the little heart beat today :). Looks like we are measuring at 6 weeks and 1 day today. That means we are to a October 29th due date. So the Dr. sees that as behind based on the usually markers so we are going back in 2 weeks. Personally I am fine with that...the more I can see Pumpkin...the happier I will be. I had just heard about these fetal dopplers you can rent to hear the heart beat at home to reassure that everything is ok...but if I can just go to the doctor a few more times...that will be good as well.

I also learned that the prenatal vitamins with fish oil are disgusting. I had been taking these for a week when I finally smelled one...and then proceeded to burp a fishy taste for several hours....it was awful. So I switched to a plant based omega 3 source and it seems much better.

On Friday, Joelle unknowingly told me about these pregtastic podcasts. They are great. They are about all kinds of topics. It is a group of girls that come together to talk and interview doctors, authors, business owners about pregnancy. I have been listening to them while I script at work and it makes the time pass quickly. I highly recommend!

I told my boss today. I know they say to wait until 12 weeks but I felt weird taking off for so many Dr. appointments. I never have them and I figured she would worry. She hadn't noticed and she was very excited....even more so that I was due in the fall :). I think she is a little excited to know before Amy(Kevin's cousin and her best friend).

And lastly, an update on how I am feeling. I still don't feel sick(minus the fish pill episode). I still have really sore boobs. I pretty much have some kind of bra on at all times. I can start to feel some ligaments in my abdomen stretching when I stand up and walk briskly. I get a little tired right after lunch...especially when I don't work out. In the evenings, all I want to do is lay down and watch TV. I got a plantar wart on my right root over the weekend. I don't know if it hasn't anything to do with this stuff. But I asked my doctor about medicines and he SWEARS that duct tape works. His wife is a pediatrician and her kids do it and it works. Who knew?

Welp Mommy is coming into town for my birthday this weekend...going to finish cleaning!

Our First OB Visit

Welp today was our first prenatal appointment. I went in and gave a vat of blood and peed in a cup. Then got the whole blood pressure and height mumbo jumbo. The nurses were really funny and all cutting up with one another….definitely my kinda place. So far so good. Then we went back to meet Dr. Siedel. He is GREAT. He talks a mile a minute…which is just fine by me. He is very funny and blunt. I got a goody bag of stuff(that I haven’t gone through yet) and he went over the basics. I was impressed. I took a sheet of questions and he answered all but 3 without me asking! He saw my notebook and asked if I was Type A and then proceeded to make fun of me. He told me to get used to it because just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean he won’t make fun of people. I told him I would do the same in return.

He reassured some things I was worried about like sleeping on my back. A lot of places I read said it was bad to sleep on your back because you could cut off the blood supply back the heart….this did seem a little odd but I bought into it. He said that isn’t a problem…if I get into a state where it could be, he would let me know. So now I can finally sleep! Hallelujah! Also the whole caffeine scare thing. He noted the recent studies that came out(which Kevin found on that DAMN CNN) and said that those women were JACKED UP on caffeine. A soda every once in awhile or a cup of coffee isn’t going to hurt anything. Also he said putting Splenda in stuff is just fine and his exact words were “If you are using 40 Splenda packets a day, you let me know because you probably need to go to Holly Hill.” So this was all fun and great and very helpful. They also have a great computer system with tablet PCs. He gets his missed calls right there on it. Awesome stuff. Also to note, this practice has 2 OBGYNS. I will bounce between the 2. They say it is so we get used to them both and get the same great treatment all the time. I like it. And I hear the other Dr. is just as great from Jen.

After all the office talk, I went and had a pap. Kevin got to be in the room…so I am sure it was more of an event for him than me. It was super fast and over with…nothing to it. Then they did a transvaginal ultrasound. It looks like we were off a little of the timing of Pumpkin. It was too small to tell anything yet and of course no heart beat yet. We are scheduled for another appointment next Thursday to try again…joy..another week of waiting! But he said that the sac(amniotic I am guessing) looked “good and thick”. Most likely we are just off by a few days…which would make sense to me since I had a 35 cycle…so I would ovulate later than a regular 28 day gal. But he did a little measurement and Pumpkin is .77 cm wide. He also said that it looked so healthy that he doesn’t think it would be a miscarriage…at least not now. I was a little disappointed because I had gotten carried away and got a little too excited for today….but I can just wait until next week…and then hopefully we can get ourselves a due date!